Cours 2

                                        LESSON 6

 

            MARRIAGE AND FAMILY

 

               BUILD YOUR LIFE ON THE FOUNDATION

                       OF GOD'S PURE WORD.

                    THE BIBLE IS GOD'S WORD.

 

 

Since we are considering marriage and the family in this study from a Biblical

basis it is important that you look up and think about all the references

which are given.

 

Because God has given us physical needs within our bodily make-up a number of

these are mentioned in this study. As a born again believer you belong to the

great family of God John 1:12 "Fellow members of God's household" Eph. 2:19.

By this spiritual birth (through conversion, baptism and filling with God's

Holy Spirit) you belong to the fellowship, the household of Jesus Christ.

Even if only one of the parents is born again and is in fellowship with Jesus

Christ, that family of parents and children belong to God's family.

 

In this time of morally loose forms of living together there are many divorces

(and diseases such as aids) and many fami­lies are torn apart resulting in all

the woundings, suffering and pain which are the conse­quence for all members

of the family. The church, the family of God, is also affected by this

1 Cor. 12:26.

Let's look at what a "biblical" family should be like.

 

MARRIAGE  

 

A family begins with a marriage. God created marriage from the start.

He created Man as MAN AND WOMAN Gen. 1:27

 

1.  The woman made the man "complete", she suited him entirely: spiritually,

     intellectually, emotionally and physi­cally Gen. 2:20-24.

Woman was not taken out of man's foot to be kicked around by men; she

wasn't taken out of his head to rule over him but she was taken out of his

side, a place close to his heart, to be loved by him.

 

2.  Marriage begins by leaving all other relations. The closest relationship

     outside of marriage is specifical­ly named here in Gen. 2:24 -  the relationship

     with your father and mother. Ps. 45:11,12; Eph. 5:31. If you are not ready to

     cut loose from your old situation, then you will never have a wonderfully

     intimate relationship with your part­ner, in the way that God intended you to.

 

3.  Marriage means unity in the broadest sense of the word.

     "Therefore shall a man leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife

    and they shall become one flesh" Gen. 2:24. Marriage is a unification,

    spiritually, emotionally, socially, in the home and physically.  Nowadays many

    people stay as two totally separate individuals next to each other. You can only

     achieve unity when both partners are prepared to provide for each other's

     fundamental needs.

The husband's needs are different from the wife's.

If there is a genuine readi­ness to provide for each other's needs, this will

result in a strong marria­ge. Of course this costs both part­ners somet­hing.

Love and unity can only exist in a marria­ge if both partners are prepa­red to

work at it constantly.

FUNDAMENTAL NEEDS    

 The five most common needs are:

 

For the wife:                         For the husband:

- affection                            - comradeship

- talking together                  - sexual satisfaction        

- honesty and openness         - outwardly attractive      

- financial care                      - a well run household

- dedication to family            - admiration

 

Naturally both partners need affection, but there is a diffe­rence again

between husband and wife. The wife needs to be cuddled and to have a

partner who is gentle and friendly to her, while the husband often feels

sexual attraction to his wife when she is affectionate.

Two quite different reactions then, that are built into the nature of man

and woman, and which result in different needs.

Both must learn to appreciate this and to complement each other in this

respect.

Without communication with each other the couple cannot achie­ve a good

marriage. But a wife actually has more need to be able to talk than her

husband. If one or both of the partners know Christ as their personal Lord

and Saviour and have recei­ved the Holy Spirit,

it will not be difficult to provide these needs for each other.

This will be a protection against extra-marital relations. Disobedience (rebellion)

to God's word results in the Holy Spirit beginning to withdraw Himself and at the

same time the power to love on a higher plane. Love is a fruit of the Holy Spirit

(Gal. 5:22). Biblical love is ser­ving love. Love which is responsive to each other

Eph. 4:15,16, 1 Cor. 13, John 3:16.

If you wish to have a marriage as God intended it to be, then you must be united.

 

THE HUSBAND'S RESPONSIBILITY    

 

1.  The husband is the one who leads the wife. Eph. 5:23.

 

A leader, according to the Bible, is first and foremost a servant

(Matt. 20:20-28. The husband must be the head of the wife just as Christ is

the head of the church. Eph. 5:23) Jesus Christ took the form of a servant.

He came not to be served, but to serve Phil. 2:6-8, John 13:1-15.

In the same way a husband must live for his wife. Jesus served by sharing His

love. He did this by showing affection, patien­ce, respect, trust, being helpful,

just, and by direc­ting people clearly so that they could receive salvation,

healing and blessing. He clearly showed what God's norms are and how to serve

Him (despite the opposition He suffered from His own people).

Sacrificial love in commitment and prayer etc, even unto death on the cross

for His people.

The husband then must be a leader-servant.

 

2.  The husband must love his wife. Eph. 5:25.

 

How must he love her? Like Christ loved the Church Eph. 5:25,26.

That is the love which is unconditio­nal seeks the good of others, is sacrificial

and unlimited. 1 Cor. 13. When a husband commits himself to constantly

exercising putting the above into practice, it will not be diffi­cult for his wife

to take up her own responsibili­ties.

 

THE WIFE'S RESPONSIBILITIES

 

1.  The wife must submit herself to her husband. Col 3:18, Eph 5:22.

 

This idea of the submission of the wife is not very popu­lar in our time.

-    Submission is not simply a concept for wives, but for all believers.

     " Submit yourselves to one another in the fear of Christ" Eph. 5:21, 1 Pet. 5:5.     

-    Submission does not mean that the wife never opens her mouth or never

     expresses her opinion, etc. Prov. 31:26, Judges 1;13-15.

-    Submission doesn't mean that the wife is inferior compared to her husband

     Gal. 3:28.

-    Submission in the Biblical sense is positive, not a negative concept!

     Submission is "the freedom to be creati­ve under God's appointed authority".

In principle husbands and wives make decisions together. In situations where

they cannot agree, the wife will "volunta­ri­ly" submit to her husband's authority.

Not slavish­ly, but in love and with respect.

There is a rich blessing in such an attitude.

2.  The wife is first and formost a "help"

    the wife was created to provide emost a "help". for the needs and the

    shortco­mings of the husband. Prov 31:10-31.

    That doesn't mean that she may not do things for herself, or that she may

never be involved in activities outside the family Prov. 31:10-31.

As well as her (primary) calling in the family the wife will also have an

individual calling in the Body of Christ (Acts 21:9; 9:36, Luk 8:1-3, Col 4:15.

 

When husband and wife both take their responsibilities seri­ously their

marriage will succeed!

 

CHILDREN

 

Children are born into most families, changing husband and wife also into

fathers and mothers.

What does the Bible say about children?

 

- children are an inheritance from the Lord Ps. 127:3.

- children are a reward Ps. 127:3.

 

It is an enormous privilege to receive children from the Lord.

They are wonderfully made by God.

 

 

PARENTS' RESPONSIBILITY     

 

1.  Children must be brought to the Lord Matt. 19:13,14. We should continually

      bring our children before Him in prayer. If the Lord does not build the

      house... Ps. 127:1,2.

2.  We must bring God to our children. Parents should be a signpost to God in

     their love, patience and trust. They must reflect God's character in order to

     bring God to the chil­dren. What is God like? Ex. 34:6,7.

3.  Children must be instructed in the word of God. Deut. 6:7, Prov. 4:14.

4.  If necessary children must be punished and corrected. Prov. 23:13,14.

    Children cannot bring themsel­ves up! Prov. 22:15 (Consider the importance of

     mother being at home when the children come home from school, etc)

"Free" upbringing leads to indiscipline and shameful beha­viour. Prov. 29:15.

Correction must be administered "in love". Punishment without scriptural

love will lead to bitter­ness. Col. 3:21, Eph. 6:4.

5.  We must train our children. This requires patience and persistence.

     Bringing children up is not a piece of cake, because not one child is like any

     other. Prov. 22:6.

 

CHILDREN'S RESPONSIBILITY    

 

1.  Children should honour their parents Ex 20:12.

This is a commandment with a promise! Eph 6:2,3.

2.  Children must obey their parents:

- in the Lord Eph. 6:1.   - In all things. Col. 3:20.

 

Of course the Lord dosen't ask that children obey in sinful, unclean or occult

practices.

 

CONCLUSION   

 

Marriage is a divine institution, in accordance with God's will.

It is God's desire that we should have a good marriage relationship.

Many Christians do not experience that joy and unity in their marriage of which

God speaks (e.g. the enthusi­am of their first love). Whenever God's principles

are applied in faith every marriage can be a success.

This does mot happen automatically. It requires dedication, persistence, hard

work (see the list of fundamental needs) and above all prayer. But God promises

that there is profit in all toil Prov. 14:23.

 

The Bible also gives us clear guidelines for the upbringing of our children.

The main aim of the parents for their children is to see them grow up to

adulthood in Christ.

If you wish to succeed in this you will need to adopt God's norms.

Will you trust God that His norms are the only right ones for the family?

Questions:   

 1.  Why did God set up the institution of marriage? Gen 1:28; 2:18; Eph5:22-32 

                                                                                                                          

                                                                                                                          

2.  What limits can we set to submissiveness? Cil 3:18; Acts 5:29                          

                                                                                                                          

                                                                                                                          

 

3.  What must the husband regard as an example whenever he takes the lead over

     his wife? Eph 1:22; 5:23-26                                                                            

                                                                                                                          

4.  Give a biblical definition of love? 1 Cor 13:4-7; Eph 5:25, 1 Jn 3:16   

                                                                                                                         

                                                                                                                         

5.  God is love, but does that mean that God doesn’t discipline us?

     Or is discipline a part of His love? Is it true that we must not discipline our

    children?  Heb 12:5-12; Prov 13:24; 29:15                                                        

                                                                                                                          

                                                                                                                         

6.  What is the object of discipline according to God’s word?  

                                                                                                                          

                                                                                                                          

                                                                                                                          

7.  In Col 3:18 the Lord says,”wives be subject to your husband” But

    as to whom? And how far does this go according to Eph 5:22?                                                                                                              

                                                                                                                          

8.  What guidance do the scriptures give to husbands for their marriage

     relationship? Col 3:19                                                                                     

                                                                                                                          

9. What did the Lord Jesus pray for and does this hold good for marriage?

    Jn 17:20,21                                                                                                      

To: COURS 2 LESSON 7